When I went for my accounting class for the first time in donkey years,

My classmates asked me in surprise:

"Hey! What made you decide to crash our class?"

Yep. That's how long I've been skipping class.

I've had a maid for almost all my life. My parents are too busy for housework, and my mum insists on home-cooked meals, so I guess a domestic helper seemed like a good option.

There was a period we decided we didn't need a maid anymore, but that didn't work out because everyone was just too busy (and lazy), and we decided we couldn't live in a sty any longer. So we hired a new helper after a month.

Anyway, it's been 2 years. The maid was giving us plenty of problems and pissing Mum off so she decided living in a sty would be better than hiring another maid and risk having another problematic maid.

It's been about 3-4 days since she flew back to the Philippines. Which translates to: It's been about 3-4 days since I've transformed into Cinderella.

Nobody wants to wash the dishes. Nor iron the clothes. We've also been skipping lunch because there's nobody to cook. So, I took the initiative to start doing chores, to get everyone into momentum. The only problem is, everyone seems to be comfortable with just me cleaning and dusting. To make the rest of the week seem more comfortable to pass, I've set Monday down as Chores Day.

7.00 am - I wake up and bring Scruffy out for his morning poop, looking like a wreck. I'm serious. My hair's in a mess and my eyes are half closed.

7.30 am - I go back to sleep.

10.00 am - I cook rice. Then I dump the ingredients for soup into the slow cooker. I tell you, people who thought about selling soup ingredients all in one packet are geniuses.

10.30 am - I go back to sleep.

11.00 am - I wake up and dump the household's used clothing into the washing machine. Then I wash the dishes, piled up high in the sink, make my bed and dust around.

1.00 pm - I watch some TV, read the papers and study a little.

4.00 pm - I take a nap.

6.00 pm - Mum comes home to shower and screeches, "What, you've been sleeping for the whole day?!" before heading out again.

7.00 pm - I bring Scruffy out for his walk and evening poop. And I give him a shower when we're done. I love it when he finishes his shower, he always gets so excited and dashes about in the house.

8.00 pm onwards - Me time!

***

I just might go on strike soon in exchange for something.

The worse kind of disappointment, is to realise that after trying so hard to make amends to the point where you think you're improving, others still do not think that it's enough. They see the guilt of the past as a weakness point and use it as a manipulation tool. Your emotional shield has taken so many bashes that it's all dented and clangy and you start to question, if you should stop fighting. But you know what, everything happens for a reason. You should never give up.

#1.
Before... I got really irritated waiting for my Mum to get ready, and hearing umpteen times of "gimme 5 more minutes!"
Now... I need to set aside one and a half hours to get ready before leaving the house.

#2.
Before... I thought that makeup was dumb. Those pink stuff around the cheeks and blue lines on the eyes looked oh-so-absolutely FAKE.
Now... It's now the reason why I take 1.5 hours to dress up.

#3.
Before... Shopping was only reserved for Chinese New Year. And to secretly save $50 of my shopping money to get that new game. I mean, why would I waste money and time walking around looking at the same things over and over again?
Now... I go into withdrawal mode if my wardrobe doesn't see something new every month.

#4.
Before... I thought that facial products were just a scam. The most natural way to take care of your skin is to use water, right?
Now... I swear by my 3-step cleansing regime, eye cream, and try to get in bed before midnight.

#5.
Before... I shunned partying. Why do people pay to be packed like sardines with a bunch of sweaty people, and listen to music that threaten to burst their eardrums?
Now... It's the first thing I suggest as something to do for [insert any occasion]. Well, hopefully not anymore, because I've decided to quit. Haha.

Oops, sorry I haven't been updating. Thought of doing a recollection of how my days went by, but realized that my absent-mindedness has played its role perfectly. Sigh.

Hmmm. Many people have been telling me that my blog has been getting less and less personal. I don't dispute that - it's tough finding a balance between letting your emotions out and broadcasting them to netizens.

So. Is 'less personal' a direct correlation with 'more boring'? =(

Today has been a long and dreary day. It was actually okay to begin with, but at around 11pm it got dreary, and so because of that, I decided that my WHOLE day was long and dreary. =(

I'm not going to infect some of you with my moodiness. Excuse me while I moan and feel sorry for myself.

One of my favourite books, is The Lovely Bones, by Sebold.

In the book, Susie, a girl raped and then murdered by her neighbour, narrates about how the lives of the people around her evolve after her death.

I loved the way how the book was sad, yet inspiring at the same time. It spoke to me, told me however things might not turn out the way you want sometimes, but that's life, and you have to find a way to deal with things.

One part I really loved was how Sebold described heaven as a "personalized heaven". In The Lovely Bones, each person's heaven was unique and ever-changing, according to one's wants and needs. And in Susie's heaven, she was surrounded by things the brought her peace.

Now, I'm not looking at her perspective of afterlife in a religious sense, but as a fun and intriguing concept. Anyway, the reason for this post is that one day, I was thinking about how Sebold's heaven would be like for each of my friends. It was lots of fun!

Glenn's heaven: DotA, PSP, church and me.

Raj's heaven: A place with all types of fashion magazines, TV with all the American serials, MTV channel and ANTM, plus Topman and Zara.

Daphne's heaven: Her.

Priscilla's heaven: Chocolates for supper, a laptop and all amenities within 10 metres radius of her (that open from midnight onwards).

Rebecca's heaven: Basketball, Priscilla, and Raj. And of course, me.

Brendan's heaven: Her. And cigarettes.

Shirleen's heaven: Cute guys serving as her chauffeur, maid, school tutor, doctor, dentist.. basically any person she'll ever come into contact with. And oh, a designated cutie to hold her Ipod for her.

Weiling's heaven: Thousands of racks of cosplay costumes. And a dance studio.


OK I stopped here. Because I realized that when I tried to describe my own heaven for myself, I COULDN'T THINK OF ANYTHING.

And after panicking for a few minutes, I comforted myself that maybe, I have everything in life that I want, so there's no item of lust to place in that 'heaven'.

Just a lousy excuse for "I've got no life."

I wait here fearfully,
hesitating.

For my heart is scarred
beyond recognition,
My tears dried
to exhaustion

You whisked by
like a gust of wind
Blowing a new presence,
A new scent
A new beginning.

There's something about you
that rouses my curiosity,
that strips me bare.

Because now i'm raw.

And i open the doors
to let you in.

Am I the only weird one living on this planet? Or are there people out there like me, who wonder about things that don't make sense?

Like, why I'm this.. person in this body looking through these eyes.. Why do we people have personalities.. Do others find it normal being in 'first person', or do they wonder why they're assigned this body to be looking out from?

How did people ever discover that when you grind rice you get flour, and when you mix flour with other things that you would never think would go together, you get wonderful food?

Why do people care so much about the rules of language, when all it is, is a construct of Man? Since we made it, shouldn't we be able to bend it. Shouldn't we be allowed to say, "We was running at the parks yesterday" ?

Believe me, thoughts like that infiltrate my mind every single day. I spend entire hour-long bus rides pondering about (non)issues like these. Come on, someone, tell me I'm not alone.

My 2007 wasn't that great. But it wasn't all that bad either.

Anyway, apart from dieting, there are two other very important things I want done for 2008:

1. Get my studies back on track
2. Start jogging again

One tiny confession: I haven't really been the most diligent student and attending classes. BUT! Everything shall change because the New Year is just an excuse to stop procrastinating goal-setting.

I attended class today. I shall attend tomorrow's lesson too. And the lesson after that.

Next up: Jogging on Wednesday morning.

Baby steps.

> Always decide who's going to get drunk that night.

Do not let the forlorns get tipsy together. A group of light drinkers is also a big no-no. Neither are those who belong to the I don't know what I'm doing when I'm drunk category.

Anyway, after you get past the drunken madness, it's all actually quite funny. Random stuff that my friends did:

A took a cab home by himself and left his nannies for the night frantic with worry.

B threw up all over herself and still managed to sleep through everything.

C went to the toilet, all the way into a cubicle and started asking VERY loudly, "So what do I do in here??!"

For the year 2008, I decided to make my New Year Resolution a New Year Dare. (Since I figured daring myself would yield more positive results than staying resolute to something seemingly unattainable.)

So. My Dare of the Year is... to be able to go on a diet for at least 3 days in a row!

Now. I do not have a pressing need to slim down. Though I do whine about some bulging body fats here and there, but I prefer losing them the cardio way - I think it's healthier. Besides, I'm THE Snack Queen.

Maybe it's because of that, every time I try to go on a diet, I fail drastically. I lack the discipline to ignore my hunger pangs and stick to what's on Diet Menu. My 'diet plans' have never lasted more than a few hours. And after I realised dieting isn't really my cup of tea, I simply gave up altogether.

Until New Year came, and I had to make a New Year Resolution. I turned it into a Dare instead, since dares are stuff that you can't do because of one reason or another. Besides, they're easier to complete and I won't feel guilty even if I leave my dare hanging in a corner collecting dust.

Since I succumbed to some nasty virus this NYE, I've lost my appetite. Smelling or seeing food makes me sick. Simply nauseating. All I want to do, is get the food out of sight and smell, and just SLEEP. I eat only because I know I have to, but what I've eaten since NYE can probably last me one meal on a healthy day.

So. Congratulations to me. It's been three days. And I've completed my New Year Dare. I can already smell the good vibes of 2008.