Isn't it weird

How you've been thinking all day about the right things to say to someone
But when the chance comes, everything flies right out of the window?

And when he lays his head on your shoulder, kisses your arm,
All the jigsaw pieces...
They come together instantly and form the perfect picture.

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I was feeling down and out today. Didn't really feel like going to tuition. I only wanted to because today is Pay-Day and some part of me thought it would be wrong to teach with a totally different agenda other than educating.

So. I logged on chatted with Alice. She's an A.I. Bot.

Me: should i go for tuition today?
ALICE: Ah. If you do not go, you will never know. You should go to sleep.
Me: i've slept enough
ALICE: Where did you get your slept enough? I have a lot of friends on the Internet.
Me: i slept till noon today
ALICE: Ah. That's good information: unknown person said he slept till noon.
Me: i'm a she
ALICE: Me too. I am a she.
Me: but you called me a he
ALICE: And. Me too. I am a she.
Me: but YOU called me a he
ALICE: Umm. Me too. I am a she.

Then I gave up.
I can't believe they won prizes for this thing, she can't even answer my question coherently.

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It has been a week since I realised that I'd misplaced my notes. At first, I pushed my worries aside by telling myself that it was probably Forgetful Me at work and I would find it sooner or later if I looked hard enough.

Then, after combing everywhere for an hour, I fell into a state of frenzy and panic. I've search every nook and cranny of my room, Paul's place and his car -- Nothing.

I gave up and sat in my chair, staring at my shelves. Then I noticed this unfamiliar stuffed bear sitting on my shelf. My eyes scanned through the handwriting of the card dangling at its side.

Hey Huiwen, Thanx 4 being my fren! Thanx alot! I appreciate our friendship and hope that we can still be friends. Happy Valentine's Dae. Love, XL '01

I stared at the bear some more. This sounds crazy, but I can almost swear I haven't seen it before, nor remember receiving it.
And this freakiest bit -- Just days ago, I was telling a friend that I dreamt about XL and in my dreams, he told me that his passing was actually a faux; that he was actually alive.

I put the bear back and started worrying about my notes all over again. Then it fell down from my shelf after I turned around and started rummaging through my desk some more.

It's weird. I feel that he's watching me, and telling me not to worry about my notes.
Or maybe, he's just angry that I forgot all about the bear and he wanted me to remember.
Thanks XL, anyway, because you know what, I DO feel less worried for some reason I can't put a finger to.

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Here's what I do when I'm stuck at home without my handphone (left them at QY's place, again) and keys:

I let my creative cells take over!

Unfortunately, they were all in hibernation today when I needed them, so I took about 2 hours to conjure two pathetic splats.

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I realize I'm a little late for resolutions, but it's better late than never.

From this minute onwards, it's going to be a new day, month and year for me. No more slacking around doing aimless surfing. It's time to start hitting the books!

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A desktop to die for:

The Vaio L.

I'm in love already.

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As I lay awake on my bed, I traced back my life, relooked many aspects of it that I have always chose to ignore.

I thought about a group of people that I was close to who now treat me like a stranger and avoid me.

At first, I thought it was just a phase that close friends go through -- people get busy and lose contact with one another, but make up for it by meeting up once in a while to catch up.

I guess I was wrong.

There was one whom I bumped into, and we chatted like old friends. Or so I thought. I even texted him about how glad I was at finally being able to chat with him for that few minutes and suggested coffee some day, to which he replied, sure. Then one day I texted him again, asking for directions to a place we used to frequent, but I never got any reply in return.
Its been a long time now, and since my first initiative, I have been waiting, until I stopped hoping altogether.

Then there are those who I've known forever, but I swear when I saw them, they started whispering things into one another's ears right in front of me, then walked off, away from my waving hand.

I never thought our friendship was that fragile, that it was only on the surface. Once those ties that held the surface broke, everything beneath crumbled with it.

At 3.30am today, I suddenly sat up in bed and thought, enough is enough. I wanted to delete that group off my handphone list but because my current phone doesn't have my full contacts, I did the next best thing by blocking and deleting them off MSN.
They have probably done so to mine long ago, but I don't really care. This symbolizes me finally letting go of that friendship, and the emotional burden it had been causing me.

Someone once told me that the world isn't just in black and white. I probably knew that, but I refused to see things in grey.
Because, the truth just hurts.

But, not anymore. I'm not a beggar for your friendship and since you have so blatantly refused to maintain contact for so long, then its goodbye.

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