I had a fabulous time today! Chatting up with friends and doing fun things together never fails to keep me in high spirits.

I'm turning into a full time geek. I was mesmerized by the wide selection of books in an online bookstore, Finger Books. For avid readers and bookworms like myself, you might want to check it out.
They deal with purchases and sale of second hand books, with reasonable pricing.

Time to drag myself to bed, I'm totally exhausted.
There feels like there's something I should do before I go to bed, but I can't put a finger to it.

Oh well, this probably means it's not that important anyway.
Good night.

I will be ending work in a couple more days, when the month draws to an end. Thinking about it today gave me a sense of nostalgia.

Funny. I feel that I might even miss complaining about the long working hours, gossiping about customers behind their backs, and getting hit on by weird tourists.

So I went on a photo snapping frenzy -- something to remember my new friends by. I've grown so attached to them over the 2 months we've been working side by side, it's almost like we've been friends for a long time.

Today as the girls were closing their watch stall, I crept over to Aimee and said in the very best growl I could manage,

"Saya sepak bahru tahu!"

Translated literally it means, "I slap you then you know!" which, of course, was taught to me by a very sweet malay friend, Siti.
(Looks can be deceiving you know.)

Aimee shrieked, turned around with her eyes in fright (still shrieking) and ran all the way upstairs (yes, shrieking).
Laughing never felt so good.

Then she came back down after calming down and told me I sounded like a stalker. Hoho.

I started the day off sourly; my sister had a huge row with Mum which ended with sis bawling in tears, and then she had a row with me in the cab, which ended with me in tears.
But my day has never been better - I find joy in just scowling at rude customers, poking fun at my friends and colleagues, and just being a friend to someone.

A few days back while Mum and I were waiting for a cab, I found her peering intently at my face as I scanned around for our transport.

I was bewildered.

"Mum? What are you doing?"
"What did you do huh?"

I did an instant replay in my head, trying to recall if there were anything I did that I should have hid from her.
"Huh? What?"

"You went for a nose job?"
"What?"
"How much you pay?"
"I didn't get a nose job."
"Then why is your nose higher than before? How much you paid for it?"
"I didn't!"
"But you used to have a flat button nose."
"Yeah, I still do."
"No, you did something to your nose."
"Argh, I did not."
"Then how ---"
"Taxi!!!!!!!"

I was listening ear and comforter of the day to a friend who poured out her relationship woes.
For the first time, I didn't offer any advice, because I didn't have any -- I didn't know how to.

Her plight reminded me alot about myself, how deluded I was and how oblivious I was to everything other than the fact that I could not lose him.
I thought I knew the opposite sex far more than my peers did, but I was the one thrown off tracks instead.
So, for the first time, I could only listen.

Anyway. She's caught in a dilemma; choose to hold on to the last strand of rope and risk hurting herself or end it now while the wound is still fresh? Either way, she stands to lose.

Which brought me to ponder over these two words :
Fate, and Choice.

Choice is the mechanism that enables me to control my life, change it, and causes it to be different.
Choice IS freedom.
We all have the choice to change what we can change, and that's the beauty of choosing.
But there's a limit to what we can change by exercise of choice. It doesn't prevent the poor from starving, it hasn't eradicated pain and suffering, and doesn't stop hurricanes from forming.

She has only 2 choices -- none of which, I feel, are appealing to her in her current situation.
Either way, both her decisions will lead her to a huge change in life. I would personally prefer her to break up with her current boyfriend and nip things in the bud while she still can.
But I could empathize with her reasons not to, so what are we now, spoilt for choice?
Ha. ha. ha.

Sometimes I wonder if it would be better if we had our lives decided by fate.
If everything was decided for us, that this road would be our destiny.

I wouldn't have to worry about finding a husband. Because it's already decided for me whether I'd have one, and who he'd be.
Instant solution.

That's why sometimes I think I wouldn't mind living in Pakistan, or any religion dominated country or city with strict caste systems.
Everything would be decided for me by my parents, I would just accept it as my fate.

Then we wouldn't be muddled by decisions that plague our lives constantly.

What about you? What would you choose, Fate or Choice?

Something happened a while back that left me angry, hurt and confused.

I tried logging in as usual after a long day's work only to realize, to my dismay, that my Everyquest subscription has been cancelled.

Yes, I know I've been dragging transfer of billing addressee because I'm too busy to apply for a card. But I don't think it warrants him a reason to do that without informing me, because I've paid up in cash for the fees.

To think I just spent money and bought the bloody expansion.

I've been living life fine but everytime, something happens that pulls me back into the places I don't want to recall.
Suddenly, EverQuest seems meaningless because it just reminds me of him again.
And it just reminded me what he told me before:

I don't want to have anything to do with you.

----------------------------
-bunch of expletives removed-

I complained to talin and said I'm quitting this stupid game. He managed to pacify me and somehow, he made everything sound so insignificant. Like it's not worth me getting upset over.
It's funny how guys can make you freaking mad, but also make you feel that it's your life that's important, not what other people do to it.

I was leafing through my things earlier back and found this:

A bunny suit for Scruffy!



Look, it even has little angel wings at the back.



For those who don't know, this is Scruffy.


I bought it for him when I was in thailand some time back, when my perception of Scruffy was not tainted.
When Scruffy was still a cute terrier in a bumblebee suit.

But after I saw what he did to Pixie......

Maybe being a wabbit will make him a good boy this year. Since, well, I'm a good wabbit.
And so is SM...
and er... Morte.

Ok. Maybe not.

Scruffy is destined to stay as a colour wolf in dog's clothing in my perceptions

I found this nice place, DXO, check it out!

Monday, Tuesday - Groove
Wednesday - Retro
Thursday - R&B
Friday - House
Saturday - Trance

Would love to chill there with some friends some time soon.
Ambience's nice. Drinks' reasonable. Music's great. I just don't understand why it's so embarassingly empty. Maybe people only like the heavily commercialised clubs so they "fit in" with the crowd.
Too bad I can't remember the directions to the place anymore, I'm such a hopeless case.
Sigh.

It's Valentine's Day today.

I suppose I should be sad.

Because I'm single and lonely.
Because I'm working on this day.
Because everyone else has someone else.
Because memories of us keep flashing in my mind.

But no, today will be a happy day for me.

Because I still have wonderful friends.
Because I can make an extra customer smile (since they come in pairs now) today.
Because I still have myself to count on.
And because, I can always make new, better memories.

Always look at things in perspective.I'm learning.

To all the singles and doubles,
Happy Valentine's and Friendship Day!

Put comments link up , feel free to terrorize me now.

These few days, I've been picked up by the totally wrong kind of people.

I'll pick 2 of them to blog about. Raiding is tiring.

1. The Bangra

It was a weekend night, and I was over at Takashimaya's side to tend the stall. I've only been there a few times, but I've already made friends with the girl at the spectacles stall beside me.
Boredom irritates me so I turn to chattering to rid it (as usual). As I'm yakking away happily to Miss Spectacles Boss, The Bangra, with his group of Bangra friends patronizing her stall, asked me,

"Hello lady. May I know your name?"
And then he held out his hand.

I stared at him, putting on my best "I dont speak English, I'm from Mars" face.
And I tried slithering off back to my stall on the pretext of replenishing stock.

And I felt real stupid after that, because it's the bloody THIRD or FOURTH time I've attracted indians/banglas.
I remember when C and I were tanning at Sentosa, a group of them came up to me and asked me to take a picture. I obliged, only to realize that they wanted to take pictures with ME. Gawd.

I don't look Indian or bangla, do I? =(
Terrible ego deflation. Not trying to be racist here, but I really wanna attract my own kind.

2. The Chef

I wish I weren't so chatty.
I chat with the girls beside my stall, chat with my colleagues, and chat with customers.
Today while serving a male approximately in his late 20s, I chatted with him. He told me he's a chef in some sushi restaurant, and he's flying off to jakarta tomorrow, so he's getting a few gifts for some female friends.
So I started teasing him because he gave me the impression that he was secretly getting a Valentine's Day gift. Then I started introducing loads of accessories to him, while he told me about his work and stuff.

Suddenly, he told me, "You're very sweet!"
Oooh, mega compliment, wide smile.
And then, in a span of a few minutes, he said it again.

I slauntered away and got siya to serve him while I busied myself with female customers. Yay, smart wen, got myself away, right?
Wrong.

After he paid up, he came up to me (while I was talking to a lady customer) and asked me out for dinner. I refused and Lady Customer goes, "I see no evil, hear no evil!" while I'm egging her to help me instead of escaping.
He asked me what time I knock off, I didn't reply and Lady Customer chips in for me, "1030pm!!"
I threw her a dirty look and she continued to look at earrings, oblivious to my glares.
He said ok, he'll be here at 1030 (was only 5 pm then) and left.
Lady Customer whispers to me before leaving, "Good luck!"

So today, I started closing shop at 945pm, and finished up by 1015pm. Then I made a mad dash for the taxi stand.
Whew.

But, Siya reminded me, not bad what. He's cute and he makes sushi!
I told her I think I'm turning lesbian. Because I'm totally not interested at this point. Wahaha.

Anyway, it's been fun being with siya these few days. 11 years of friendship, first time I talked to her since 2 years ago. It's a nice feeling to have your goodest friend beside you again. She got jealous today because she thought I was closer to C than to her. I told her, silly girl, you, haha. So cute right. She also told me , if I have you by my side every day, I dont think I need to get another boyfriend (she still can't get over edmund)

In response I told her, become my les partner then. She gave me a horrified look and said, you can't settle my physical needs!

And no, my beloved friends, I dont think I will head down that path, unless you know, i get chefs and bangras hitting on me all the time, maybe i would.

I hate dreaming. Good or bad, I hate them both.
Firstly, because they rob me of my sleeping time and secondly, because they affect me in real life alot.

As a Biology student, I know very well that dreams replaces the brain's functions when I'm asleep -- meaning they are just brain waves. But I do know that psychological theorists claim that dreams focus upon our thoughts and emotions, and this in turn carves a deeper understanding of ourselves.
So, dreams affect my emotions and moods greatly, because I choose to believe that there is a strong correlation between these so-called brain waves and reality.

Maybe it's an indication of the future? Or something that someone is trying to tell me, I don't know.

Today I had.. a weird dream. I suppose it was a pretty bad dream, because I woke up feeling quite down (without remembering my dream yet) and when I finally remembered, my mood plummeted.
It dug into the secret compartment of my heart, where I keep certain feelings locked away.
Oh well, it's just a dream.

You know when people claim that they want their dreams to come true?
I seriously do not think that they would want that, because it'd be too scary.
Nightmares are dreams too! And nope, I do not want to relive being stranded from Grandpa in reality after experiencing it in my dreams.
Yeah, it used to be a childhood nightmare. Grandpa takes me for an MRT ride, and one of us enters the train but the other doesn't. It was pretty scary as a kid because I dreamt of it periodically.
It was ironic because I wasn't even that close to grandpa because we both can't understand each other due to our lousy cantonese, haha.

Anyway, I should sleep now. It's been a weird day.
I had a few visitors at work, 3 of them which I totally unexpected.
johnson (with linda), then andre, then joey! I think it's a 'Let's visit wen' day today.

Good night. Sweet dreams..

Someone commented that I was becoming increasingly anti-social in group outings.

My first reaction was, "Is it?!?!"
The word "anti-social" and me have never had much close associations.
But, thinking over it, I do admit I was a bit er.. distracted.

You know sometimes you wake up at the start of the day and suddenly you get this strong urge to do something?
Yeah, I got that urge 2 days back. I decided to change!

So, during one of our MSN group chats, I picked my favourite cat to start the ball rolling.
ME: Minou!!!
Minou: What?
ME: I lub you!
Minou: I lub you too, but what did you do wrong this time?

Great, the only time I set my mind on something, someone suspects I'm hiding a knife behind my back.
Go figure.

OK i'm late for work.
*scrambles*

The Rooster year was a really bad year for me. This year, as a half-rabbit, I resolved to live my year the way the fortune tellers predicted it.

Realm said this to me a few days back, while we were having dinner:
"Marriage is just a piece of paper. What matters most is that the two hearts are together. You may not be married but once your hearts are together, you can be happy together for life."

It got me thinking, alot.

Why bother holding onto something that's not coming back? And, why bother hanging onto anything that isn't going to be mine?

I got back in touch with siya, my good friend since my primary school days. And she told me one thing, Wen, I know you are a strong person.
I paused for a while to think.
Even the strongest people have their weakest days.

It was definitely not a strong week for me. Barely days into the new year, grandma left. I was talking to her just a week back, and she was commenting on how bad my cantonese sounded. "You are cantonese and you speak like ang moh trying to speak chinese," she mused.
I didn't have a chance to ask her to teach me to make her yummy fish balls. Or bring her out like I promised I would. Or hug her and tell her I love her.

She told me to stop smoking, and I said I would, but I didn't, even after she left us. Today she suddenly appeared in my head at work. When I reached home, I threw away the pack in my drawer and the one in my bag. Cigarettes are only temporary, to keep myself busy so it's easier to forget. But, since I'm going to be happy, why smoke? =) I miss you grandma.

And this morning, mom called me -- grandpapa's hospitalized. They say he's not doing too good. Doctor says if he tides through this 24 hours, he'll be safe. If he doesn't, we can prepare for the worst.
I've not been particularly close to my grandpa, because I can't speak teochew for nuts.
Still, it's a bit too much for me to handle right now. I think I'm crumbling soon..

To make matters worse, andre hasnt really been helping with his new tactics.
Do not wish to elaborate when I'm in such a foul mood.

AND, today hasn't been a very good day at work for me either.
Talin told me that some of the studygroup people were worried for me, because I only see two sides of everything. Sometimes, he said, you got to learn to cover your backside. Dont trust everyone, and learn to see the grey shades of life.
I didn't quite understand it. I've always believed people CAN be nice when they want to, and they are nice underneath, but somehow things just get distorted along their growing up days.

But I got a little taste of it today.

Mama boss just hired a new girl today, apparently she's earning commission from sales (while I'm not). Sales was really bad today and I decided I had to be more active in pushing sales. So I chatted around with customers and talked till my throat went dry. I managed to convince them to buy what they didn't even intend to buy and then, new customers started coming in.
But new girl is only interested in standing where I am standing, and refuses to move to serve new customers. I have no choice but to do it, while she collects money from them when they pay up to her.
Grr. Once wasn't enough, she had to do it twice, thrice.
She even went to the extent of asking ME to replenish stock when SHE was the one who sold all those stuff, so SHE can stay out there to collect earnings and not waste precious time by going in to replenish stock.

Which of course, I did.
It's not that I don't know how to say no. I do.
But, I just don't feel like arguing and most of the times, I'm just so amazed at how people can behave that I just shut up. What is more amazing that she's 2 years younger than me.
I seriously have no idea what she'd become when she's my age.

So, Talin said, it's not that we treat you like a little girl. Just that you make us worry alot.
Actually, I think I like being treated by a little girl by you guys. Because, ANDRE TREATS ME WORSE!!!
Now I feel like my friends have been giving me A class treatment.

Tomorrow I have to wake up, visit ah kong, open Taka side, rush over open Far east side, work until 2pm, go over Taka side work until 12am.
Help.

C asked me to stay over her house today, so I did. By 1230am, I'd already packed up and was walking towards her house.

I saw, on the opposite side of the canal I was walking on, a topless man, facing the canal. I did not take much notice until I saw...
It.
The rigorous hand movement.
I stopped, turned and looked.
Then I heard it.
The loud, breathless breathing.

It did not take long for realization to hit me.
Horrified and shaken, I started sprinting.

God. What was he thinking, masturbating in front of a CANAL?