Saturday, September 30, 2006

Fatty woes

The Mother has been getting on my nerves lately. Usually I don't let her comments affect me, but lately, they've been eating into my confidence.

Wait, what confidence? It's non-existent and shattered somewhere where I can't find it.

Recently our conversations (or rather, her conversations to me) have been peppered with comments like, "What happened to you? Why you so fat now?", "Why you wear your jeans your butt so big?", "You've been eating alot of western food, is it? Why so fat?", "How come you suddenly balloon become so fat?" ... etc.

Now, don't bother to tell me I'm not fat. Because if your mother tells you these things for a couple of months straight, I think you would choose to believe it too.

And the worst thing is, I can't stop eating or get myself to lose weight to make her comments stop. I've resolved so many times to go running, but the rain always intercepts my plans. Or, I would decide to survive on apples alone, but would eventually bow down to food.

What is fucking wrong with me?

Anyway, I went walking around Kallang CC to see if they had a gym for me to sign up. Apparently, they don't, but I took the next best alternative - I signed up for their kick-boxing lessons.
I'm such a failure, I even have to pay people to help me exercise. Gosh.

I don't care if I'm broke, I'm desperate to lose weight. Paul doesn't let me go without food, he stuffs me snacks and ignores my "Apple Diet".

Can my mood get worse?
Definitely. I'm having the time of the month now and the hormonal imbalance is making me cranky.

Watch out, all of you.

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