After battling with recurring respiratory illnesses, God called Uncle back with him.

My beloved uncle passed away on 23rd October 2005 at the age of 63, leaving behind his family, relatives and friends.

My days have been hectic, alternating between visiting Ah Kong (he fell and broke his leg) in the morning and helping out at the wake at night. I thought I could study there but we're so shorthanded I had to desert my books. Cousin Hongyian is pregnant so she can't help much. Cousin ChorMeng just gave birth and is bound by some 40 day superstition, so she is banned from going to the wake.

I have never been particularly attached to my uncle, but I was fond of and comfortable around him. Furthermore, he was Cantonese and he felt just like a direct kin to me. I made frequent trips to their place in Sembawang to play mahjong with them. Each time, my heart would thud loudly because of the high stakes they played. And I remember uncle would either win or lose badly because he was so fond of winning big tiles.

I saw him a week back, connected to tubes to help him breathe. And how the doctor told us that it was probably a better choice to "let him go". But, how do you tell a living person who can control his thoughts that it was better that he died?
We all knew that he would suffer less if he went, but nobody would intentionally want their loved ones to leave.

On the day my cousins took urgent leave to be with their dad, he became miraculously well. He could breathe without the machine and could talk and laugh. He was discharged the next day. Two days after he returned home, he was back on the machines again. He pulled off the tubes but was stopped by his family. Later that day, he attempted it again. He pulled off the tubes that gave him air to breathe.

It must be really painful, to want to die.

My uncle left this world in the ambulance, none of us got to say our last goodbye to him.

At wakes, you don't know whether to be sad or happy. I payed my respects to him but didn't dare to look at him in his coffin.

When XL passed away, I didn't dare to look either. It's hard to accept that someone has gone. Until now, XL still lives in my heart, because I refused to say goodbye to him.

I hope my uncle is happy wherever he is. And I hope my cousins and aunt can be strong without him. Mom told me, "He's the first in our generation to go." And I was at a loss for words, but in my mind I was already thinking who's the next. Argh.

Nobody has told ah kong that duadio has passed away. Now ah kong is in the hospital, rambling on that nobody is visiting him. But Ah Kong, we can't visit the dead first then the living! Well, that's according to mom.

And although I knew this day would come, I didn't imagine it would be so soon, and I didn't expect myself to take it this hard.

Well, parting is always the hardest.

I got this off Minou's blog : Candybar DollMaker

It's really fun, dressing other people up.
Cheryl and I entertained ourselves while the butler was away in dreamland.

Cheryl's Doll


My Sophiscated Doll


My Chic Doll


Pretty? Go make your own doll now!!

Michelle called me to chat yesterday, and she was astounded to discover that I shared the exact sentiments as her about the school.
Once again, she's facing the same annoying problem as I did before -- keeping them off her case to redo her As.
It's only in cases like this that I question the school's professionalism.
What time is it? IT'S FREAKING 3 WEEKS TO THE As.
You're here to teach, to give encouragement for the ordeal to come, not to burden the stress load.
As much as I love -censored-(I actually forgot and spelt her name out -- how dumb am I?), our p, I must admit that she erred greatly in deciding the members for the counselling department.

And what's wrong with me again, I'm running away from studying.
I hate this feeling so much.
I am going to promise myself that I'm coming home later to study till the next morning.

The farewell concert today almost worked. Almost.
I am about the last person to feel nostalgia, but after all the funny efforts the teachers put in, I felt that perhaps teejay wasn't such a bad place after all.
However, it was sad to say that feelings about that particular person didn't change at all. You know, when you're a bad teacher, no matter how teejay boasts of its wonderful teaching staff, you'll never change in the minds of the students to a competent teacher.
Although I must admit, I contemplated forgiving him/her. Contemplated, just once.

I'm not particulary attached to my school, nor the teachers, nor my classmates, nor my ex-pdp mates. I've been constantly skipping lessons -- I don't think I've been in school for more than 3 days a week. But no matter how much time I've spent in the college, I realised, parting is still the hardest.

What matters most, isn't time, but the memories.

I'll miss ya all.

Grandad's maid is leaving for home soon, so Mom got him a new maid. As she arrived early, and since Mom was paying for her (and you can't possibly have two maids taking care of Ah Gong)we decided to use her first.

Her name is Lisa, and she's been with us for 2 days now. So far, things have been going pretty smoothly. I said hello and smiled to her when I first saw her, and she returned a shy smile. She's thin, with big eyes and tousled hair. Her eyes had something in them -- was it fear? I was with her on her first day of work, teaching her how to operate the washing machine and showed her around. Her timid nature struck somewhere in me, somehow I instinctively felt like protecting her. I heard of her story first from Mom, then a continuation from my sis.

Mom related that Lisa's previous employer had a food stall selling mixed rice and vegetables. According to Lisa, she had to wake up at 6am every morning to carry two heavy sacks of rice and endure 30 minutes from Pasir Ris to Loyang, by foot. She then had to walk back and take care of the household chores. After noon, she had to go back to the stall to tend to it. Which means, her employer was using her illegally as a stall helper. She had to flee everytime the authorities came. She was tired of running away and requested a change of employer.

My mother deduced that her experience at the previous employer was probably a bad one, because she told my mom how nice we were, just because we said hello to her. When mom offered her a drink, she seemed overwhelmed with gratitude.

The next day I woke up at 7 only to see Lisa's mattress nicely packed and she was hanging the clothes. I went to read the papers and came back, only to see her cleaning the windows. She was constantly doing something every minute; I worried for her health. Even robots need to rest!

That night, I came home late. My sister shushed me as I noisily made way through the door. She told me that when she came back home, Lisa started talking to her and cried through the whole conversation.

Lisa had a few employers before us. Every one of them had hit her before, but she took it all silently, probably because she didn't know she could protect herself by calling the police. They didn't allow her to eat with the family or wash her clothes using the washing machine.
One of her employers even made her sleep under the table -- with the dog. She tearfully told my sister that this is the first time she's sleeping on a mattress.
If she didn't cook to their liking, she got hit. She wasn't spared by their kids either.
Her previous agent employed her and hit her too. The agent took her salary and gave her $10 every month to pay off her loans.
I was shocked. Surely Singaporeans had better consciences than that?

That day I brought my boyfriend home to drink soup. It reminded Lisa of her ex-boyfriend. She told my sister that her boyfriend made her pregnant, then dumped her to marry another girl in Philippines.
That was why she had to work in Singapore -- to put her daughter through education.

I felt extremely sorry for her plight. I couldn't help questioning myself how people can stoop so low to abuse someone who's been doing chores for them. There were probably many other maids who were in parallel situations. I was disgusted at the number of Singaporeans able to get away with maid abuse. I went to bed, seething in anger.

This noon, Lisa cooked a wonderful lunch for us. Her experience at the mixed rice stall helps! I beckoned her to sit down and have lunch with us. If there's one thing I hate, it's to eat lunch alone. So most of the times, I rather not eat at all.

I gave her my old pants that I was planning to throw away because they were too tight. I saw all her pants were folded because they were too loose for her. She probably lost a lot of weight since she arrived, I thought sadly.
My sister donated her stack of Mickey Mouse stickers. Bring them home for your daughter, she told Lisa.

Lisa went back to the room to keep her stuff. When she returned, her eyes were puffy and red.
Don't cry, Lisa, I told her.
Be happy here, my sister chipped in.

Then, she spoke to us hesitantly,
"This is the first house I go to, I eat with people."

I smiled at her.

Damien and I were walking towards Suntec yesterday, and who did we see but.... Justin aka Kerrendor the Cat! He was waiting for his queen cat.
We devilishly plotted a plan to surprise Minou.
Sensing her approaching, Momo and I started hugging tightly against the wall, with me giggling uncontrollably in his arms.
I started peeking above his shoulders to look at Minou's reaction. I saw her frowning, eyes fixed on us -- and I started giggling some more.

When she finally reached Justin, we broke out of our embrace and I squealed, "Boo!"
Typical me. But after penning it down and reading what I just wrote, I feel so juvenile. -ashamed-
Anyway, Minou said she found us weird and oddly familiar.
And then! I noticed she'd snipped off her tresses. They were now beautiful curls on her shoulders!
"Nooooo!" I protested when she spoke of her rebonding plans.
Jennifer, please do NOT rebond! It will be a vicious cycle. And oooh.. you have lovely curls, especially when its short.

We chatted until we reached the exit to Marina. Apparently, according to Justin, Minou was craving for the burgers @Carls' Junior since the day SM mentioned them.
We told Justin, noooo, it's overpriced bread!
He looked at us sadly and said, please help me convince my wife so I can save some cash then.
Ah well, we didnt in the end, Minou has to taste it herself so she won't go back ever again!
Oh but if she likes it then..
-shrugs- You're on your own, meow!

I have been mugging so much, I started squealing at the sight of clothes the moment I entered my favourite boutique.
After a few trips to the fitting rooms, I decided that the clothes look better on the racks than on me.
I left Suntec with much disappointment.

We caught the Corpse Bride after that. 3.5 popcorns!
I loved it. So, I shan't spoil the fun by narrating the movie out, in case some of you want to catch it.

By the way, lately I've been seeing Serena everywhere.
When I was flipping through Women's Weekly, I saw her in her hair ad.
When I was walking to the MRT, I saw her on the bus stops.
When I was walking down to Kenny Rogers at suntec yesterday, I saw her on the plasma screen above the escalators.
And Momo commented, "it's weird to see someone you know on screen"
I showed him the magazine squealing, "It's Shey!!"
He said, "The ad does her injustice." Oh, but I still think you look pretty anyway. =)

Back to studying! I hope today will be a fun and exciting day.. whee!

We had our GP results given back to us today -- I am just glad I passed at least one paper.

I was thinking about my future again today.
What my prospects look like..
University seems like a distant dream.
T-cher-XXX had to flash the calendar and remind us that the As are just 5 weeks away.
I couldn't help but wonder why, in this time of stress and anxiety, we are subjected to more pressure than encouragement.

The weather reflected my emotions -- it poured heavily after school.
I was surprised that the fish and chips at the coffeeshop we took shelter at passed my strict food standards. I promised to patronise it again. Congrats!!

A SMS from da boyfriend interrupted me during lecture.
The poor guy has made friends with the flu virus. I miss the days when he would ask me to take care of him though. This time he flatly rejected my offer to cook soup for him, citing he wasnt sure what soup was ok to drink as a reason. I miss the feeling of being wanted.

I miss a lot of things actually.
After all the quarrels, I feel more emotionally detached from him.
It is getting harder for us to understand each other.
This is whats been on my mind for days, but I couldn't quite put a finger to it.

Next week I'm having BBQ with Sanctuary -- yay!
I love BBQing for people, because it makes me feel in total control. I have the power to make your stools solid or liquid. -giggles-
Then again, I miss their laughter loads. Laughter is good, it makes you forget your troubles for just one day.
This reminds me of the day we cancelled our EQII accounts.
It was weird -- I expected more than the neutral feeling I experienced, maybe a wave of sadness? Maybe, I reasoned with myself, I'd fulfilled my main purpose in the game, ie finding such a wonderful group of people.
Well, that's what MMORPGs are about!
I know that there would be a high possibility that I would not return to play desert of flames (because I hate the idea of everyone being at max level other than me) but maybe I would, eventually because I miss the people.
And of course, the carpet.

Being eighteen is hard. I wish I were sixteen or twenty, but not eighteen.
But then again, at sixteen, I wished I wasn't sixteen.
You see, that's why women are from mars.

I was thinking about xianliang today again.

I questioned myself about why people have to come and go.
I would have preferred he didn't step into my life, made it colourful, then leave and make it grey again.
I would have just chose that we didn't know each other at all.

But then again, knowing you was a joy.
I walk around and see things, and I think to myself, "botak would have thought this is funny." and then i realized he's not here anymore.

Last week, I thought of calling him. I forgot what it was, but I remembered I was very happy and I just wanted to call him to share the joy.
Then, oh, I forgot, and I brushed him out of my mind.

I remembered, when he passed away, I wanted so much to call his mobile, and hear his voice. That maybe, he would pick it up and laugh with me like he used to.

I miss you, dear friend.
How are you doing up there?

I read a book, The Lovely Bones about a murdered girl watching over her family in her heaven.
Then I wonder if you're doing the same thing too.

Sometimes I smile, because if you are in your own heaven, I know you would think of me.
I would love to hang my smelly socks in front of you again.

So, thats why, after a moment of nostalgia, I dedicated a little quote for you.
Miss you...